


Bittersweet Symphony

by rosegoldwords



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, scary shit happens, seriously i got so paranoid writing this it was like two in the morning and dark in my room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-15 14:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/850774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegoldwords/pseuds/rosegoldwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan's phone vibrates in his hand and he unlocks it, a small smile making its way across his face when he sees that Phil tweeted something. '@amazingphil: the flat got broken into tonight D: we're okay but im never ever leaving dan home alone again'. Dan likes the sound of that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so little FYI - i barely can grasp how Dan and Phil’s apartment is set up, even tho i’ve watched that damned apartment tour video like ten times so i kind of just went out on a limb and bullshitted the layout; it’s just going to add to the fiction aspect of this story (since it is fiction anyway). also, this was inspired by a fic i read a few months back and i actually meant to write this a while ago it just... didn't happen. but it's finally finished and i'm happy so :D enjoy!!!
> 
> disclaimer: phan is not real and i am in no way claiming this couple is real. i just ship them kinda hard.

“Do you have to go?” Dan whines, sitting on Phil’s overnight bag. 

“It’s only one night,” Phil reminds him, gently pushing Dan off of his things so he can finish packing. “Besides, it’s my mum’s birthday party, I have to go see them.”

“But do you have to spend the night?” Dan sighs. “What am I supposed to do here all by myself?”

Phil shrugs, giving his boyfriend a teasing smile. “Edit that video you haven’t touched since Monday? Or catch up on Game of Thrones?” 

Dan just groans, as if Phil’s offered him some of the most ridiculous things to do, and he falls back onto Phil’s bed. The older boy just chuckles and leans down, pressing his lips to Dan’s. “I’ll be home tomorrow morning; you’ll probably be asleep when I get back, anyway,”

Dan sighs again. “Gonna miss you,” he mumbles, the words tasting weird on his lips. He’s usually not one for expressing his vulnerability but the past few years he’s spent with Phil has taught him to open up more - at least to his boyfriend if nobody else. 

“I’ll miss you too,” Phil tells him and kisses him again. “But I’ll have my phone on me so just ring me if you need me,”

“Okay,” Dan gives him a kiss this time and says, “Tell your parents hi for me,”

“I will,” one more kiss and Phil grabs his overnight bag, leaving the flat and leaving Dan alone for the night. 

~*~

Dan’s bored as hell. It’s late, almost midnight, and he’s barely done anything tonight. He finally caved and finished editing his video; it’s exporting now. He’s replied to a few people on twitter, reblogged a few things on tumblr, watched a few things on TV - but he’s just still bored. It’s weird not having Phil around; the flat’s too quiet. 

It’s so quiet that he can hear everything - the noise the refrigerator makes, the whirring of his laptop, the sound of the air conditioner kicking on. He’s not used to hearing all this excess noise he usually ignores throughout the day. It’s eerie to say the least. 

He hears something else; it’s a quiet sound, but he hears it nonetheless, and he can’t seem to put his finger on what it is. He tries to ignore it because if there’s one thing that Dan’s good at, it’s getting scared easily. It doesn’t take much to freak him out and being alone in the flat, hearing noises that he doesn’t want to hear - yeah it’s definitely making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on ends, it’s making his arms prickle with goosebumps. It’s quiet again, and for two seconds, Dan manages to convince himself that he’s hearing things. Then, there’s a loud clatter, and Dan can hear the doorknob to the flat rattling. 

His heart damn near stops, because something tells him it isn’t Phil.

He hears a crash, glass shattering, and yeah, his heart definitely stops for a second. He’s too young to have a heart attack, he can’t go out like this. For a second, he wonders if someone can literally be scared to death because Dan’s terrified right now. This isn’t his usual paranoia or fear of supernatural beings coming after him; real shit is going down right now, and he doesn’t have a single clue as to what to do. 

The front door slowly creaks open, and Dan stops breathing for a second. Someone’s here, someone’s coming inside of his home, someone he doesn’t know is coming inside of his home. Dan’s mind is going a mile a minute as he tries to grasp the situation, but also think of something to do; he can’t just sit here while his home is being broken into. He has to do _something._

Swallowing thickly, Dan gets up from his bed. His legs are shaking as if he’s a newborn horse just learning how to walk. He’s trembling from head to toe, and as he slowly leaves his bedroom, he thinks that he should have a weapon of some sort for protection. 

He shakes his head, he tries not to get himself worked up. For all he knows it could be Chris or PJ; they do have spare keys to their place and they knew that Phil was going out of town for the night. Or it could even be Phil; Phil was always noisy and clumsy, there’s no doubt that he would make this much noise coming home. Yeah, Dan’s probably worried for nothing. He’s probably fine, and it’s probably not a criminal breaking into his house in the middle of the night. Yeah, no way in hell is that a possibility. 

It takes Dan much longer than usual to get downstairs to the main floor of the house, probably because he’s scared shitless right now and he’s walking really slow, as a result of his entire body in tremors. He swallows thickly when he gets to the bottom step, and he looks around. It’s dark and Dan’s even more on edge; he hates the dark. “H- Hello?” he calls out. Silence follows. He swallows again and makes those few extra steps forward. 

He sees shattered glass on the floor; that ugly vase someone at the BBC had given to them when they first moved into the flat was broken. When they first got it, they decided to put it by the front door for when they visited so they could say that they actually used it. The front door... The only way the vase could be broken right now is if someone knocked it to the ground coming inside. Then Dan feels a gust of cold air engulf him, and his heart drops into his stomach when he looks up and realizes that the front door is wide open.

The next thing that happens, happens so fast, Dan literally can’t even wrap his mind around any of it. Someone grabs Dan from behind, their arm covering his mouth and they’ve got quite the grip on him, Dan couldn’t wiggle free if he tried. Generally, Dan was a pretty weak person - all those years of blowing off the gym had finally came around to bite him in the ass, because even with his adrenaline pumping right now, he couldn’t escape this person’s tight grip. Dan struggles for a moment until the person uses their other hand to reveal a gun. Dan’s body stills, his chest heaving, his eyes watering. He whimpers softly and he starts shaking again. 

There’s a beat, a moment of silence, and the person releases Dan only to place a hand on his shoulder. “Kneel on the floor,” he instructs in a gruff voice. 

Dan can’t say anything; his voice is caught in his throat, but he does as he’s told. Usually, Dan’s the kind of person who secretly likes to see confrontation, but right now, Dan’s up against someone who’s bicep is about as big as his waist, and he’s just a lanky internet hobo from Berkshire. He can’t do anything except what he’s told. 

Dan lowers himself onto his knees, still trembling and he feels like he’s going to throw up. His breathing is shallow and rapid, and he’s pretty sure he’s having a panic attack right now. He’s kneeling, waiting for further instruction, when he feels something cold and metal against his neck. Shockwaves spread throughout his body and he can feel the metallic coldness in his bones. It takes all his strength to remain solid and not freak the hell out because if there’s one thing Dan hates, is stuff touching his neck. And the barrel of a gun against his neck is number one on the list of things he hates touching his neck. 

Dan knows the gun is loaded and any second now, a bullet could pierce into his jugular and just the thought makes a tear roll down his cheek. He doesn’t want to die. 

“Now,” the man says, his voice as harsh as it was the first time. “I want you to cover your eyes, and count to thirty.” 

Dan immediately brings his hands up to cover his eyes, and he’s lost in a pit of darkness. He’s so scared right now, so scared. He swallows before he says in a small voice, “One... two... three...” he doesn’t make it to five until he no longer feels the weight of the gun pressing into his neck and he chokes on a sob. He keeps his eyes shut, and he keeps counting, not daring to look behind him to see if the man’s left.

When Dan finally reaches thirty, he sits there for a moment, body rigid but shaking. Tears are rolling down his face and he isn’t breathing any more normal than he was before. He doesn’t know how long he’s sat there before he finally musters up enough courage to lower his hands from his eyes and look around. The flat’s empty now, the door still wide open. He whips his head around, wanting to make sure he’s truly alone now, before he scrambles to his feet, stumbling as he runs upstairs for his phone. 

He runs into his room and he’s breathing as if he just ran a mile, tears still sliding down his face. His hands are shaking so bad that he can’t even dial the number he’s trying to, but finally he hears the phone ringing and he starts begging with every powerful being in this world that he doesn’t get sent to voicemail. 

He hears the click that the other end’s been answered, and immediately he blurts out, “Phil?” his voice cracks, he can’t stop shaking. “Phil can you - can you come home please?”

~*~

Dan’s phone call definitely leaves Phil shaken up, and he can’t get back to the flat any faster. His parents understand, they practically throw him out of the house when he explains that Dan’s called crying and begging that he comes home. 

The cab pulls up outside of their apartment, and after paying the driver, Phil runs inside, immediately heading to their floor. While in the lift, he digs his keys out of his pocket, but when he nears their flat, his heart stops when he sees that the front door is wide open.

He slows his pace, feeling a little anxious as he nears the entrance, hesitantly walking inside. He sees broken glass on the floor. He doesn’t see Dan. His heart rate speeds up. Where’s Dan? Is he hurt? Is he missing? What’s going on?

“Dan?” Phil calls out, then holds his breath. He waits for a reply and when he doesn’t get one, his fear spikes. “Dan!” 

He can see Dan’s head peak out from behind the corner upstairs, and in an instant, he’s running downstairs - Phil’s never seen Dan run before, holy crap - and the brunette launches himself into his boyfriend’s arms. Phil clutches onto him immediately, holding him tighter than he’s ever held him before. He can feel Dan trembling beneath his fingertips; he can hear him sniffling, he can hear his shallow breathing. “Dan, what happened?” he asks. He knows he should calm him down first because Dan’s no stranger to panic attacks, and sounds like he’s just come down from one now. But he needs to know what in the hell happened while he was gone.

Dan breaks their embrace, but Phil still holds onto him. “S- someone broke into the flat,” he explains, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. Phil’s eyes widen in horror. “I - I don’t know if they took anything but-”

“Are you hurt?” Phil asks immediately.

Dan shakes his head. “He- he, um, he had a gun and he pressed it against my - my n-neck, but I’m - I’m okay,” he says, but Phil knows he’s nowhere near okay. 

The ebony haired boy grabs his boyfriend, pulling him into another hug. He can only imagine what Dan’s gone through tonight, and he only knows the bare minimum of it. Dan sniffles again, and Phil presses his lips against the side of his head. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispers to him, even though it’s not okay. Their home got broken into, and his boyfriend got threatened with a gun. Phil wants to cry right now, but he knows he needs to be strong for Dan’s sake. He needs to keep it together. “Did you call the police?” he asks him.

“Um, crap.” Dan breathes, and breaks their hug again. “Um, um, no. I - I didn’t.”

“Dan!” Phil can’t help but to sigh because at this point, calling the police should be higher on his priority list.

“I’m sorry!” Dan blurts out. His eyes start watering. “I know I should’ve called the police, but - but everything was happening so fast, and I was so scared, and I wasn’t thinking, and I just wanted you here!” Dan knows he sounds pathetic, but he doesn’t care. He was scared - he still is scared - and he just wants Phil with him. He can fear the tears ready for takeoff, and he pleads with himself to keep them in; he doesn't want to cry in front of his boyfriend. “I - I really needed you here, Phil.”

Hearing that last part makes his heart break a little, and Phil reaches out for Dan’s hand, holding it tightly in his own. “I’m here,” he whispers to him. “I’m here now.” Dan nods and hugs Phil one more time. Phil can feel tears soak into his shirt.

~*~

Phil phones the police, and it doesn’t take long for them to show up. They ask Dan questions about tonight, but Dan’s starting to shut down and he doesn’t want to talk anymore. Phil’s used to that; whenever Dan’s upset about something, after the initial startle of it all, he just shuts down, voids himself of emotion so he doesn’t have to deal with being scared or upset or sad. However the police need to know as much as they can, so Phil has to encourage him to talk about it, even if Dan wants to repress the memories of tonight. 

When the police have all the information they need, they advise Dan and Phil to stay somewhere else tonight; at least until tomorrow when they can get the locks changed. All this talk about getting out of their homes and changing the locks is making Dan’s chest tight. He hugs Phil tightly, burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck, and Phil hugs him back tightly. He thanks the police officer and they leave.

Dan’s exhales a shaky breath, and Phil rubs his back comfortingly. Dan tries to calm himself down; he doesn’t want to be such a mess that Phil has to clean up but... he can still feel the barrel of the gun against his neck, he can still feel that guy’s arms around him, he can still feel the sheer terror that had pierced his body and had him nearly paralyzed. He doesn’t want to remember it but it’s all so fresh in his mind. He’s glad Phil’s here though. Phil... he just makes everything a little better.

They call PJ, explain what happens, and they don’t even finish telling him everything before PJ demands they come over. Dan tries to tell himself that it’s like a sleepover; that it’s no big deal.

When they arrive to PJ’s, he doesn’t make them talk about what happened - Peej was always uber sensitive like that, and he could just tell how distressed the two of them were. He simply showed them to the guest room and gave them both some privacy.

Neither Dan nor Phil talk much while they change into their pajamas, and shortly after do the two of them climb into the guest bed. Dan immediately pulls the blanket up to his chin, as if he wants to hide behind it. Phil looks at him and he feels pang in his chest. Dan looks so young, so vulnerable. The elder of the two leans down and kisses his boyfriend’s forehead, and whispers, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Dan mumbles, snuggling against him. Phil wraps one arm around him, the other holding his phone; probably telling his parents that everything’s alright and taken care of. Dan reaches for his own phones and contemplates telling his parents everything that happened tonight; then decides to tell them tomorrow. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He just wants to lie in bed with his boyfriend. He just wants to feel safe.

As he’s going to put it on the nightstand, Dan's phone vibrates in his hand and he unlocks it, a small smile making its way across his face when he sees that Phil tweeted something. '@amazingphil: the flat got broken into tonight D: we're okay but im never ever leaving dan home alone again'. Dan likes the sound of that. 

~*~

Dan and Phil don’t get much sleep that night, though they both pretend they slept just fine. They stay over PJ’s until lunch and then they head out to work on getting the locks changed. While that’s happening, they talk to their parents about the incident, answer some twitter questions to the concerned fans, and field some calls and texts from their friends who are kind of freaking out - just generally ensuring everyone that they’re fine (or in Phil’s case, that Dan’s fine... or so he thinks he is). It takes all day but finally by nightfall, their apartment is secure again and they’re done talking to everyone they know. Dan couldn’t have been more relieved when he finally stops getting questions. He appreciates that his friends care about him, but he can’t keep talking about this anymore, he just can’t. He doesn’t want to.

That’s what’s great about Phil; he never pushes him to talk. Even though he probably should because even Dan knows it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up, but Phil gives him the space he needs without actually leaving his side. Dan appreciates that. He really, really does. 

“I love you,” he mutters to his boyfriend, kind of randomly. They’re snuggled up on the couch watching TV, trying to return to normalcy as best as possible. 

Phil smiles and loops an arm around his boyfriend. “I love you too. And I’m glad you’re okay.” 

“Yeah,” Dan mutters, sighing a little. There’s a moment of silence. “I think I’m gonna head off to bed,” Dan says around ten at night. It’s early - way too early for Dan to even consider going to bed on a normal basis - but he just feels so drained, so exhausted.

“Okay, I’ll go with you,” Phil offers, reaching for the remote to turn the TV off, but Dan stops him.

“You don’t need to watch over me every second of the day; I’ll be fine,” he tells him, trying to sound more convincing than he feels. 

“Dan-”

“Phil, I’m serious,” Dan interrupts. “Just watch your show and relax. Really, I’ll be okay by myself for a few minutes,” he gives him a lopsided smile, and Phil finally sighs heavily - meaning he’s given up, and Dan’s won this round. With a wider smile, he presses his lips to his boyfriend’s and leaves the room before Phil can protest anymore. He will be fine; he’s a big boy, he can handle this.

~*~

Dan barely lasts an hour alone in their (really Phil’s room, because he has a bigger bed) room.

He lies in bed, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds, then jerks to life when he thinks he’s heard something. His heart is working in overtime, and he feels the familiar feeling of paranoia and fear creeping around his body. 

It’s too dark; Dan doesn’t like the dark. He turns on the lamp on Phil’s bedside table, but it’s not enough light and soon he’s gotten up to turn on the ceiling light. There’s still tension in his chest; he doesn’t feel at ease. 

He looks at Phil’s bedroom window; it’s locked, he knows that, but there’s a little voice in the back of his mind that’s telling him to go check. So he does, he succumbs to the paranoia and fear. He’s not okay, and even he can’t fool himself anymore.

He checks the window; yeah, it’s locked. And now he feels silly for even having to check, but he still feels shaky - scared. Dan hates being scared; it’s annoying, and he hates feeling so helpless. He just wants to go back to normal, but he knows it’s not going to happen any time soon, no matter what he tells Phil.

Phil... Dan wants to be with Phil. He wanted to be with him before, and he really wants to be with him now. He doesn’t feel foolish or childish for wanting him anymore; he knows Phil is the one thing that’ll make him feel safe.

He wraps Phil’s duvet around his body, almost as if it’s a protective shield (okay, now he feels really childish), and he shuffles down the hall to the lounge. Peeking his head in the doorway, he looks to see what Phil’s doing before he goes to interrupt. As he suspects, he’s just sitting there, watching TV and derping around on his laptop - but still, Dan struggles to tell him that he needs him.

After a few minutes of lurking in the doorway, Phil finally notices he’s been standing there, which takes some of the edge off of Dan. “Hey, you alright?” his boyfriend asks him, concerned.

Dan shrugs. “Can’t sleep,” he mutters, looking down at the ground, biting his lip. He shifts his weight from foot to foot for a moment, and Phil waits patiently because he knows that he’s trying to say something. Finally, Dan mumbles, “Can you come to bed with me?”

Phil smiles, and doesn’t say anything; he just turns the TV off and closes his laptop before getting up from the couch and following Dan to their bedroom.

~*~

They lay in bed together, and the ebony haired boy wraps his arms around the other boy as he gets himself situated in bed. Dan lies on his side and Phil scoots closer to him, their fringes brushed against each other’s foreheads just slightly, and despite the situation, Phil smiles a little. “You want me to leave the light on?” he asks him.

Dan looks flustered again, embarrassed, and Phil gives him a reassuring squeeze, pulling him in close until Dan’s chin is resting on his shoulder. Dan clings to Phil tightly, and Phil can hear his breathing sounds different, small whimpers are escaping his lips. Phil rubs his back, whispering, “It’s okay,” to him, but it doesn’t stop Dan from letting out a small sob. 

He clings to Phil tighter, almost as if he expects him to leave him, and buries his face in the crook of his friend’s neck. “It’s not,” he chokes out through his tears, clinging to Phil tighter. “It’s not okay - I’m not okay,” 

Phil nods in understanding. “I didn’t expect you to be,” he murmurs. “It’s okay that you’re not okay though,” he tells him. “You don’t have to be okay,” Dan doesn’t say anything; he sniffles again and lets out a shaky sigh. Phil rubs his back and places kisses on the side of his face. “I’m here you know,” he tells him. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m going to get a jump rope and tie you to my waist,” Dan manages a quiet chuckle and Phil considers that a small victory. “You will be okay, you know,” Phil continues. “Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you’ll be okay. You won’t be scared forever.” Dan just nods in reply, and they sit there in silence for a moment. “I love you, Dan,” Phil whispers to him, because he doesn’t know what else to say but he knows it’s enough - it always is. 

Dan sniffles again and squeezes Phil tighter. “I love you too,” he whispers in reply. “Th- thank you.” 

“For what?” 

Dan breaks their hug to smile shyly at his boyfriend, and he tells him, “You make me feel safe.”


	2. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ello all! So this would be considered the aftermath of the incident, so it takes place a few days (well nights) after their flat was being broken into. Mostly lots of Dan!angst and fluff Phil is sweet and takes care of him -sob- and that’s all for now! Enjoy :D

**11:30 PM**

“Is the front door locked?”

Dan and Phil are lying in bed, not spooning but their hands are lying idly in between them and their fingers are laced together. Dan’s got a tighter grip on Phil, but Phil doesn’t mind, and he just rubs his thumb along Dan’s knuckles. Dan would be lying if he didn’t say that it was making him feel a little bit more relaxed – not totally, as there was still that lurking feeling of tension in his chest. But Phil was next to him, making sure he was okay, and that definitely helped.

“Yeah, it’s locked,” Phil replies smoothly, giving Dan’s hand a small yet reassuring squeeze.

“Even the deadbolt?” Dan presses, biting his lip nervously.

“Yeah, we’re about as safe as can be right now,” Phil tells him, then adds, “You can go check, if you want,”

Dan looks at Phil’s bedroom door, which is slightly ajar and all he can see is the darkness overwhelming the rest of the house. Even before the incident, Dan was terrified of the dark, though he usually has his fear under control; as of recently, however, he doesn’t dare to venture out into any unlit part of the house. Luckily for him, Phil’s kind enough to leave his lamp on at night (which is embarrassing as hell; Dan’s twenty-two years old, he should be able to sleep without a nightlight but alas...). As much as he wants to go make sure that the door was locked, he doesn’t think he can walk out there in the dark, by himself – he shudders at the thought of it.

“Do you want me to go check?” Phil asks gently, noticing Dan’s hesitation.

Dan looks at him with wide eyes and asks softly, “Please?” Phil just gives him a small smile and nods, kissing Dan’s forehead before untangling himself from his bed and leaving their room.

Dan sighs heavily, dragging his hand over his face. This is getting ridiculous, and he knows it, but he feels so helpless because he can’t do anything about it. He can’t help being so scared – even though the flat had been broken into earlier in the week and they had changed the locks since then, there’s this unforgettable terror lurking in the back of his mind. Even if he can pretend he’s fine during the day, it’s at night when he feels the most vulnerable. And he hates it.

He rolls over onto his side, facing away from the door and looks at the window. He wonders if it’s locked, then moments later he chides himself for that one; of course it’s locked, and besides, they’re up pretty high in their apartment – no one can climb in through their window except for Spiderman. But Dan’s mind starts to play all kinds of different scenarios before he all but jumps out of bed and rushes towards the window, just ensuring that it’s locked. And it is, and he just feels really silly right now.

“I’m back!” Phil announces, and Dan spins around quickly, facing him with a deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, as if he’s just been caught doing something wrong. “It’s locked, deadbolt too,” Phil tells him, then hesitates. “Why are you standing by the window?”

Dan’s face flushes deep scarlet. “I was, um… Nothing,” he stutters, climbing back into bed. “Thanks for checking the door,” he adds when it gets quiet between them.

“It’s alright,” Phil says as he gets back into bed. This time, he wraps his arms around Dan and pulls the younger boy closer to himself. “Told you I’d keep you safe,” he adds, kissing the back of Dan’s neck. The brunette squirms around a bit, but still, Phil’s got him to smile. Phil was always special that way.

“My hero,” Dan tells him, rolling over in his arms and placing a kiss on the tip of Phil’s nose. “Thank you,” he says again, a small smile on his face because he really is grateful for Phil.

Phil kisses him back, and murmurs, “It’s alright,” again and just holds Dan throughout the night, his eyes drifting shut. They’ve both had a long day, and Phil’s without a doubt pretty tired. Dan lies quietly in his arms, and tries to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind wondering if the front door really is locked.

~*~

**12:00 PM**

Phil stays awake for an extra half an hour, just to make sure that Dan’s okay, and Dan kind of wants to cry because he’s really got a great boyfriend and he doesn’t know how he was so lucky to end up with Phil.

Phil watches Dan, and Dan tries to go to sleep – for Phil’s sake. He doesn’t want him worrying about him or staying awake any longer than he needs to. So he shuts his eyes and tries to relax, but whenever he hears a creak in the floorboard or the sound of the tree branches brushing against the window, his heart nearly stops and he clings to Phil. Phil always kisses his head and tells him that it’s okay.

Dan presses his face into his boyfriend’s chest and sighs heavily. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, his voice getting lost in the fabric of Phil’s shirt. He feels like such a baby right now and he hates that Phil has to take care of him. It’s been like this since the two of them met when he was eighteen; Dan’s always been the weaker one and Phil’s always taking care of him. Not that Phil minds of course, but for once, Dan doesn’t want to be the weakest link.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Phil tells him, musing his hair back. “You had a gun pressed against your neck for goodness sake; you’re allowed to be as scared as you want,”

Dan flinches at the memory of the cold metal of a freaking gun pressed against his neck, knowing that at any second his life could’ve ended. He tenses, hugging Phil tighter. “I just want to go back to normal,” he whimpers.

“You will,” Phil reassures him. “Just… not overnight, Dan. It’s not going to happen overnight, it takes time.”

“You know I’ve never been patient,” Dan tries to joke, and Phil lets out a breathy chuckle. “Just… don’t leave me, okay?” he asks in a small voice.

“Never,” Phil promises.

~*~

**12:20 PM**

Phil eventually drifts off to sleep, and Dan tries to lie in bed quietly so he doesn’t wake him. He’s comforted by the sound of Phil’s breathing and Dan tunes out all other sounds and thoughts, just focusing on his boyfriend’s breathing, as if it’s a soothing lullaby. Eventually, Dan finds himself falling asleep, and he doesn’t know exactly what time it is, but he knows it’s the earliest he’s been to bed all week. He considers this progress.

~*~

_  
Dan doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, but he awakes to a crash, glass shattering, and yeah, his heart definitely stops for a second. He’s too young to have a heart attack, he can’t go out like this. For a second, he wonders if someone can literally be scared to death because Dan’s terrified right now. This isn’t his usual paranoia or fear of supernatural beings coming after him; real shit is going down right now, and he doesn’t have a single clue as to what to do._

_The front door slowly creaks open, and Dan stops breathing for a second. Someone’s here, someone’s coming inside of his home, someone he doesn’t know is coming inside of his home. Dan’s mind is going a mile a minute as he tries to grasp the situation, but also think of something to do; he can’t just sit here while his home is being broken into. He has to do something._

_Swallowing thickly, Dan gets up from his bed. His legs are shaking as if he’s a newborn horse just learning how to walk. He’s trembling from head to toe, and as he slowly leaves his bedroom, he thinks that he should have a weapon of some sort for protection._

_He shakes his head, he tries not to get himself worked up. For all he knows it could be Chris or PJ; they do have spare keys to their place and they knew that Phil was going out of town for the night. Or it could even be Phil; Phil was always noisy and clumsy, there’s no doubt that he would make this much noise coming home. Yeah, Dan’s probably worried for nothing. He’s probably fine, and it’s probably not a criminal breaking into his house in the middle of the night. Yeah, no way in hell is that a possibility._

_It takes Dan much longer than usual to get downstairs to the main floor of the house, probably because he’s scared shitless right now and he’s walking really slow, as a result of his entire body in tremors. He swallows thickly when he gets to the bottom step, and he looks around. It’s dark and Dan’s even more on edge; he hates the dark. “H- Hello?” he calls out. Silence follows. He swallows again and makes those few extra steps forward._

_He sees shattered glass on the floor; that ugly vase someone at the BBC had given to them when they first moved into the flat was broken. When they first got it, they decided to put it by the front door for when they visited so they could say that they actually used it. The front door... The only way the vase could be broken right now is if someone knocked it to the ground coming inside. Then Dan feels a gust of cold air engulf him, and his heart drops into his stomach when he looks up and realizes that the front door is wide open._

_The next thing that happens, happens so fast, Dan literally can’t even wrap his mind around any of it. Someone grabs Dan from behind, their arm covering his mouth and they’ve got quite the grip on him, Dan couldn’t wiggle free if he tried. Generally, Dan was a pretty weak person - all those years of blowing off the gym had finally came around to bite him in the ass, because even with his adrenaline pumping right now, he couldn’t escape this person’s tight grip. Dan struggles for a moment until the person uses their other hand to reveal a gun. Dan’s body stills, his chest heaving, his eyes watering. He whimpers softly and he starts shaking again.  
There’s a beat, a moment of silence, and the person releases Dan only to place a hand on his shoulder. “Kneel on the floor,” he instructs in a gruff voice._

_Dan can’t say anything; his voice is caught in his throat, but he does as he’s told. Usually, Dan’s the kind of person who secretly likes to see confrontation, but right now, Dan’s up against someone who’s bicep is about as big as his waist, and he’s just a lanky internet hobo from Berkshire. He can’t do anything except what he’s told._

_Dan lowers himself onto his knees, still trembling and he feels like he’s going to throw up. His breathing is shallow and rapid, and he’s pretty sure he’s having a panic attack right now. He’s kneeling, waiting for further instruction, when he feels something cold and metal against his neck. Shockwaves spread throughout his body and he can feel the metallic coldness in his bones. It takes all his strength to remain solid and not freak the hell out because if there’s one thing Dan hates, is stuff touching his neck. And the barrel of a gun against his neck is number one on the list of things he hates touching his neck._

_Dan knows the gun is loaded and any second now, a bullet could pierce into his jugular and just the thought makes a tear roll down his cheek. He doesn’t want to die._

_“Now,” the man says, his voice as harsh as it was the first time. “I want you to cover your eyes, and count to thirty.”_

_Dan immediately brings his hands up to cover his eyes, and he’s lost in a pit of darkness. He’s so scared right now, so scared. He swallows before he says in a small voice, “One... two... three...” he doesn’t make it to five until he no longer feels the weight of the gun pressing into his neck and he chokes on a sob. He keeps his eyes shut, and he keeps counting, not daring to look behind him to see if the man’s left._

_When Dan finally reaches thirty, he sits there for a moment, body rigid but shaking. Tears are rolling down his face and he isn’t breathing any more normal than he was before. He doesn’t know how long he’s sat there before he finally musters up enough courage to lower his hands from his eyes and look around. For a moment, he think’s he’s safe._

_Then he hears a click, the sound of a gun cocking, and he turns his head to see himself face to face with the barrel of a gun. The trigger is pulled-_

__

~*~

**2:35 PM**

Dan jolts awake in bed, his heart is pounding a mile a minute and he feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest. He can feel the tears pooling in his eyes, some already streaming down his cheeks. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself, but a broken sobs escapes his lips and he can’t forget his nightmare. For a second, he starts to wonder if it was a dream – what if he was still in the house? What if he was downstairs waiting for Dan to go investigating? What if he was coming up here?

 

Without pausing to think, Dan jumps up from the bed and heads towards Phil’s dresser – he needs to protect him and Phil, make sure no one can get in. Dan grips the edge of the dresser and gives it a hard shove towards the door, ignoring the things falling off of it and all of the noise he’s making. He pushes hard again, shoving it towards the bedroom door.

Dan feels a pair of hands wrapping around his waist and he lets out a scream, his hands going up to push whoever away but hands wrap around his wrists. “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” it’s Phil and Dan lets out a harsh sob out of pure relief. “It’s okay, I’m here,” Phil pulls him into a tight hug and Dan holds onto him like he’s a life preserver. He’s slowly coming to his senses, and he’s realizing that it was just a dream, that he freaked out for no reason, really. And as usual, he feels like an ass. He sobs into Phil’s chest, choking out, “Sorry, I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be sorry,” Phil tells him. “It’s okay,”

Dan shakes his head. “It’s not okay,” he says, still holding desperately tight to Phil. “It’s – I’m not okay,”

“I know,” Phil sighs. “I know,” he says again, because he really doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t know how to deal with anything that’s happened; he doesn’t know how to help Dan get better. He knows that one day Dan won’t need to sleep with the light on and the nightmares will stop, but that doesn’t stop them from happening now, and that doesn’t stop Dan from freaking out. “Just breathe, it’s okay, just a bad dream,” he murmurs to him, because that’s all he can do right now. Dan sniffles, choking on another sob, and Phil’s heart breaks; he hates seeing someone he loves hurting so badly. “I’m here, Dan, I’m here,”

“Don’t go,” Dan whines.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Phil says. “I promise, I’m not going anywhere.”

~*~

**2:55 PM**

It takes Dan nearly twenty minutes to calm down; his sobs soon turn to silent tears and soft whimpers, and he can breathe normally again, which Phil is thankful for as he knows his boyfriend is prone to panic attacks. But once Dan is calmed down enough, the two of them lapse into a silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Phil ignores the dresser that’s placed in front of his door and he gets back into bed with Dan, holding him close and kissing the top of his head.

“You should let me fix the dresser,” Dan insists, but the way he snuggles against Phil lets him know that he doesn’t want to get up.

“It’s almost three in the morning, we can deal with it tomorrow,” Phil tells him.

Dan sighs. “I’m-“

“You don’t have to apologize,” Phil insists, running his fingers through the brunette’s hair. “You’ve done worse things than this anyway,” Dan doesn’t reply; just grumbles something incoherently against Phil’s chest. “You’re way too hard on yourself,” Phil says. “It’s okay to be scared.”

“I don’t want to be scared anymore,” Dan tells him in a soft voice.

Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, holding on tightly as he rolled over onto his back, hoisting Dan on top of his stomach. He presses his forehead to Dan’s and tells him, “You won’t be scared forever, bear. I promise,”

Dan smiles softly. He really doesn’t know where he’d be without Phil.

~*~

**3:15 AM**

For once, Dan falls asleep before Phil does. Phil smiles fondly at his boyfriend, who finally looks at ease, and with one final kiss to his forehead, Phil drifts off to sleep, relishing in the sound of Dan’s easy breathing.


End file.
